Summertime Blues II

Yes, Summer is here and many of us are counting down the days to our holiday. Looking out of the window (this morning especially!), what’s not to look forward to? Well, let me see…
• Just for starters, someone’s borrowed your suitcases since you last went away and you can’t remember who, so you have to go around accusing every member of your family. You finally remember that you put them up the attic.
• When you came home last time, you put the adaptor plugs in “a safe place” so you’d know where to put your hands on them. Now, where was that? They’re in the suitcases, up the attic, of course, but you’ll buy more before you find them.
• You thought ahead and bought holiday toiletries and a toilet bag to keep them in, but you’ve since used one of the toothbrushes to clean the grouting in the shower. Was it yours or hers? It was the pink one, wasn’t it? Well, she’ll never know…
• You arrive at the airport. It’s quiet. All the check-in desks are deserted. Then you spot your check-in, at the far end of the concourse, with a queue a mile long.
• The person in the queue in front of you is travelling alone. Oh, wait… she’s keeping a place in the queue for the rest of her enormous family. Here they come, all eight of them, with three stacked luggage trolleys.
• You’re stuck behind the same family at check-in, through security and at the departure gate. You know for sure that their kids will be sitting behind you on the plane, kicking the back of your seat for the entire flight.
• There’s no room in the overhead compartment for your hand luggage because ‘they’ have taken up all the space with the biggest hand luggage you’ve ever seen. Let’s be honest, if it’s got wheels it’s not hand luggage, it’s a fucking suitcase!
• When you were a kid and about to go on holiday, the last question before leaving was always: “Do you need to use the loo before we go?” Obviously, no-one does that anymore and there’s a queue for the toilets from the moment the seat-belt lights go out after take-off until they come back on again before the plane begins its descent.
• After touching down, you take your time disembarking. Why rush? The luggage is going to take ages anyway. Ages? No. it takes forever and the baggage handlers in whatever country you’ve just landed in are far worse than the ones in the last country you visited! Your holiday rep, tapping her pen on her clipboard impatiently, gives you a look as if you’ve been aimlessly wandering around the airport like lost sheep for the last two hours.
• On the coach transfer, the journey is almost over and you can start to relax. Everyone else on the bus gets dropped off before you, even though your hotel is the closest to the airport. You could swear that the coach passed your hotel ten minutes after leaving the airport.
• Never mind, eh? You’ve arrived at the hotel and your holiday can officially begin. Hmm, the grouting in the en suite shower is a bit grubby. “Darling? Have you unpacked your toothbrush yet?”

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