Three Little Words

Maybe not the three words that first came to your mind, but three words that certainly stir up just as much emotion. The three words are:-
1. Temporary
2. Traffic
3. Control
Yes indeed, and they are everywhere! If you are unfamiliar with Temporary Traffic Control (I don’t know, perhaps you’re an alien or one of those people that have hidden in the jungle thinking that the war is still going on), here’s what you’ve been missing!…
The Temporary Traffic Control Bargain Bundle (available at all reputable online dealers) consists of the following:-
• Two tripod-mounted traffic lights (some assembly required)
• Two traffic signs – “When light is red, wait here” (bi-lingual signs available on request)
• Twelve bollards (available standing or ready-knocked-over)
• Four yellow hazard lights (batteries not included… ever)
• Two blue / white diversion signs (can confuse both drivers and pedestrians if positioned correctly)
• One mini-JCB
• Four men in yellow hi-vis vests (larger models may show some cracks)
builders bum
Deluxe bundles include one extra light set, signage, etc. for three-way traffic control joy!
INSTRUCTIONS FOR USE:
• Find a reasonably busy stretch of road
• Set up the lights, signs, bollards, etc. accordingly
• Synchronise the lights (preferably badly)
• Park mini-JCB on pavement (DO NOT USE!)
• Place men in hi-vis vests strategically, ensuring that they will do fuck all, all day, every day.
• After two to three weeks, remove Temporary Traffic Control and relocate further along the same stretch of road
• Repeat
Why not double the fun and buy two Temporary Traffic Control Bargain Bundles? Simply place the second set on the road that everyone is most likely to use in order to avoid the first set!

NB: Avoid cheap imitation bundles which may include two extra men in hi-vis vests and hand-held Stop/Go signage. These are too efficient and will ruin your enjoyment.

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